Since becoming a mummy I have encountered quite a few different types of mums on my adventures. In my experience each group of friends has at least one of the following "types"in their wolfpack. Here is a summary of my findings so far, do you fall into any of these categories?
Pinterest Paula - Pinterest Paula stays up late every night pinning ideas to specially created boards. She can recite recipes off by heart for at least 10 different types of baby led weaning fruity oat bars. She has an ecard quote or meme pinned for every scenario you could possibly think of. Her house is filled with hand painted jam jars and her garden is full of furniture up cycled from crates.
Winging it Wanda - Winging it Wanda hasn't got a clue what she is actually doing, she never read the books and shuts off when other people offer advice. She wakes up every day and hopes for the best. She makes plans as she goes along and has faith it will all work out. Winging it Wanda ambles along in life and knows it has been a successful day when she's managed to keep herself, the husband and the kids alive and also take a shower.
Perfect Pam - Perfect Pam wakes up at 5am. She starts her day with a jog around the park comes home and blitzes the whole house. She manages to get 2 loads of washing done, iron a fresh shirt and have breakfast on the table for her husband before he leaves for work. Perfect Pam decides to invite the mums over for coffee, she whips up a 3 layer delicious chocolate fudge cake complete with embellishments within an hour. Perfect Pam only uses fresh organic vegetables to make perfect homemade puree for perfect Patty, her daughter.
Bullshit Bertha - Bullshit Berthas baby slept through the night at 1 day old, Bullshit Berthas baby can recite the entire alphabet aged 6 months. Bullshit Berthas baby didn't just learn to roll, he learnt to summersault, he is actually on the Olympic gymnast team and won a gold medal from the womb. At 8 months old Bullshit Berthas baby knew its 10 times tables and also swam 22 lengths of a pool without using floats. Bullshit Bertha is a dick.
Irreplaceable Irene - Irreplaceable Irene is always there for you no matter what. You need Calpol but can't get out of the house, she brings over five bottles. You've had a horrendous day so she brings you chocolate. You start doubting your ability as a mum so she makes a powerpoint presentation of 500 reasons why you're kicking ass at being a mum. Irreplaceable Irene is a little ray of sunshine that you want to keep in your pocket forever. No matter what she has your back. She is your rock.
Mentor Mona - Mentor Mona has older kids. She knows all about how shit mum life can be and advises on how to deal with every phase and dilemma that kids dump on you. She is sensible and wise and coaches you through the hardest of times with the best advice. Mentor Mona is always there to help. From Colic to the colour and cosistancy of your babys poo, she knows all of the answers and remedies.
Secret Agent Sarah - Secret Agent Sarah knows you better than you know yourself. She knows all of your previous addresses, the names of your entire family and probably the colour of your underwear. She has stalked you and absolutely everyone else connected to you to the point of no return on Facebook. She has to constantly think before she speaks every time you meet up so as not to slip up about the holiday she knows you went on to Marbella with the girls back in 2001 and how she knows you can't actually afford the coffee and cake you are scoffing in Costa as she knows your Bank balance too.
Fashionista Flora - Fashionista Flora literally looks like she has just stepped off of the cover of a magazine. Every single outfit she possesses is on trend, she seems to know fashion before its fashionable. You have never seen her wear the same outfit more than once. With the right accessories she could even make a bin bag look Vogue. She wouldn't be seen dead in a pair of leggings and thinks trainers should never be worn outside of the gym.
Facebook Frankie - Facebook Frankie you have only ever met once through a mutual friend, before you had even made it home she had friend requested you, ever since then you have never spoken but she likes and comments on every single photo you upload as if she is your best friend.
Over Opinionated Olive - Over opinionated Olive hates your new hair colour and thinks your dress makes you look fat. She thinks you should join slimming world as you are obviously having trouble loosing the baby weight and still look like a burst cumberland 17 months on. Over opinionated Olive thinks your brand new pram and pride and joy is hidious, she thinks you are over feeding your baby and he will turn out to be a fatty like his mummy. She thinks you are a terrible mother because you fed your baby Quavers when you could have bought Organic Carrot Puffs instead.
Hypochondriac Hilda - Hypochondriac Hilda thinks she might have pneumonia, she was a cold. Hypochondriac Hildas baby has gastroenteritis, he just had a poo. Her favourite pastime is googling illnesses and thinking that she actually might be dying, she oddly revels in this thought and the attention it might bring her. She is on first name terms with the receptionist at the Doctors surgery and is there so often she has her own chair in the waiting room named after her.
Gym Bunny Gill - Gym Bunny Gill goes to the gym 3 times a day. Her entire wardrobe is made up of outfits from Sweaty Betty and you have never seen her in anything other that brightly coloured lycra. She owns five pairs of trainers for each day of the week. You once saw her deadlifting her baby in the park.
Airy Fairy Annie - Airy Fairy Annie didn't have a midwife, she had a Doula. She didn't need drugs to push out her baby, she lit some scented candles, made her husband waft around some joss sticks, put on some whale music and out it popped out. Airy Fairy Annies baby poops glitter and has daily playdates in the clouds with all the other magical unicorns.
I think I actually fall into a few of these categories, I bet quite a few of us actually do. The thing is, even though some of these types aren't everyones cup of tea, we do actually all need each other, even if it is just for entertainment purposes. We are all on the same motherhood journey together, some just choose to go about it differently to others but if we was all the same life would be boring, right?
V x
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